Deviation Actions
I often feel like apologising at the start of these posts: Sorry I've been gone a while, sorry I haven't replied to everyone.
However I'm trying to make a conscious effort to not apologise for taking care of myself; when I'm feeling low it's just not as possible for me to interact with the world how I'd like. Basic activities like making food, showering, and housework take up so much energy that all I have left I have to put into my recovery, engaging in things like exercise, meditation and therapy.
Things have been... well tough. I haven't needed hospitalisation again since my stay in February; but things have not improved as fast as I'd hoped. I am better in the sense that I am no longer suicidal, and I'm pushing forward, but the black dog seems to be keeping pace however fast I run.
Numerous time I've had few good days and think I'm coming out of this, but then am slapped back with another period of being disconnected and low. It's really frustrating. But each knock down I get a little stronger, and I get up a little quicker. I will get better. I will tame this beast.
Recovery is rarely a straight line, I survived and am still surviving. While I absolutely do believe I can overcome my illness and recover fully; the horrible things I went through a long time ago, attached this sickness to my soul, over years. Then the damage followed my every footstep for years more before I even recognised it: 7 years in total. And now I'm only just over a year into my proper recognition and recovery. I'm proud of how far I've come, but this is a huge beast I'm tackling, and it's really hard to communicate that online, especially when you're feeling like crap.
I've had a good 6 days in a row at the moment - which is super awesome! And means I can engage and write this, and say hello to you all *waves*
~I'm really hoping this lasts so I can enjoy my birthday on Sunday.
In good news I'm feeling well enough to participate in my first convention this year - MCM London Comic Con on May 26th-28th. I'll have my usual stall serving hugs and prints. Unfortunately I don't have many new drawings because the beast often robs me of the ability to draw...
But in the last few days of feeling better I have been drawing again 
I'm trying not to apologise for not having new drawings to show you, I prefer to say thank you. Thanks for sticking with me through the rough times. Thank you for staying even though I haven't been giving. It means a lot. You mean a lot.
There'll be more happy times soon, I know. ~I'm ready to get stuck back into life again 
^_^ 
❤
Peace, Love and Beast Taming,
Blue xx
~~~
Thanks so much everyone. I'm trying to shake the feeling of letting everyone down because I'm not recovering fast enough. But that's the illness talking, telling me unhelpful crap. I much prefer listening to all of your kind and supportive voices - you really do make a difference - thank you! 
💙💙💙
